I was unsure what I should post today and then I read the entry over at http://undergraceovercoffee.typepad.com/andrea/ and realized this is what I should talk about.
My walk with God has been less than productive over the past few months and I don't like it!! Discipline from God is necessary but very unpleasant. I thank Him for a wonderful husband who loves me dispite how I treat him and our boys. I want to feel fulfilled again, to experience joy and to be able to live out my faith with great enthusiasm. But I feel uncontent and unhappy. I know my major battle is selfishness and this is a hard one to break. I have recently decided to drop out of my weekly women's group because the subject matter made me feel worse than I already do on my own. Withdrawal is my specialty and I'm not sure this was my best decision.
On a positive note, I prayed desperately for godly women to come into my life so I would have someone to talk to and He has answered my prayer. I am SO thankful for these women who listen to me and are available even if I just need to know they are there! They will help me get through this season, even if they don't know how important they are to my journey!
So what is my plan? Well, I want to find a good Bible study to dig into God's Word. I love God's Word and learning from it. I plan on making sure I wake up early enough to spend time with God in the mornings. I plan on attending church every Sunday and really surrendering myself to Jesus in worship. It's not perfect, but it's a start. Ultimately, I would like to get back into a women's group for accountability and support and increase my prayer life as it has become almost null and void. I want Jesus to know how much I truely love Him and how thankful I am for all He has done for me and my family!
Thanks for listening! I hope to update my blog in the future with praise for battles won and prayer for those I face.
You are so not alone! I think we all struggle with this to a degree - but it is only when we can actually admit it that God can get anywhere with us! I purposed to spend time with God each morning last August, and I'm still getting up early every day, with the exception of my sleep-in day on Saturday and the odd missed day when I'm sick. But I can tell you, that has made a world of difference in my receptivity to His leading, and my ability to surrender to Him. Don't give up!!
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